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「Horror Stories of a College Undergrad」

(Bitching about life one day at a time)

I just need somewhere to vent. 
Tonight, I'm not feeling very well. I mean, granted, I'm having my monthly, but still - it's this weird, emotionally unbalanced and panicky feeling and I'm desperately searching through my phone, my online messengers, for someone - anyone - to vent to and to cry with but I just.. I can't. I cant bring myself to bother anyone. 
I can't call home. My parents are asleep. They're hardworking people.
I can't call my boyfriend. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to talk to me since I've been texting him since the morning and he hasn't replied back once. The extent of our contact today was he liked my status of Facebook. Romantic. Right? 
I can't talk to any of my roommates. Two are boys, so they'd be weirded out by a crying girl. My best friend is asleep. My other best friend is fooling around with her out of state friend who she's been friends with for years and they adore one another and I don't want to interrupt her.
I just need someone to give me a minute. To let me cry. 

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 


 I feel so irritable.
There's absolutely no excuse for it because I just got /off/ of my period but I can't help it.
Then when it isn't irritable, I feel depressed. 

I hope I don't end up like those artists that make it to the pinnacle of their careers then off themselves. 


 I feel kind of empty at the moment.
I go to sleep with this inexplicable drive to wake up tomorrow and conquer the world (meaning, conquer my work load) but when I wake - it's gone. Then all I feel like doing is.. sitting here. Wasting my time.
I have three legs to draw for Intermediate Figure Drawing and three torso pieces as well. That's due Wednesday. Nothing for Anatomy as far as I know since from the packet I see our next assignment is due week eleven. My Perspective's finished essentially since it was just an atmospheric piece that I finished halfway in class, the other half at home here. I also have to color my character's by next week for Digital Media.
All I want to do is sleep forever.
Is that so bad..?

Something's wrong.

 I am the bitchiest person in the fucking world when it comes to missing school. I encourage everyone to attempt a perfect record of attendance. I guilt them into going by making them remember that every day is about two hundred dollar's worth you are sitting through and if you miss it, you're wasting money. I push. I shove. And yet - I haven't been to school all week. 
I missed my Perspective class on Monday. I thought.. oh. It's just a class. No biggie. Right? No. Come Wednesday when I have Intermediate Figure Drawing, I go and miss that too. All six hours of it. And today, I'm just going to go on right ahead and miss Anatomy. Aren't I fucking wonderful?

What the fuck is up with me.
I'm so pathetically lazy and it's the worst fucking thing in the world. 
I feel depressed. About my lack of gusto with school. My lack of desiring to be the fucking best bitch to walk these grounds. My weight. My bloated fatty-fatness because of my freaking period. My disappointment with how not awesome I am. Just... fuck
I haven't cut though.. so, I guess that's a plus. I really want to though. Like, shit, extremely fucking bad. 

Day 26 to Day 30th :: Final of the 30 Day Meme
Day 26 – Your fears {18th}
I have a lot but I always forget them when asked. The first few that come to mind would be my fear of public transportation, my fear of getting lost, and my fear of death. I know there are more - oh! I have a fear of needles. Hospitals. Doctors. Uhm... That's all I can remember right now.

Day 27 – Your favorite place {19th}
Day 28 – Something that you miss {20th}
I miss the "good old days," where I was a kid and the world, aka our neighborhood streets, seemed huge. When Kathy lived near Pollock street, when her mum was alive, when Thida was this wild haired little thing that liked to quack, when Hannah and I gossiped in the back of science class, when Shelby would get on her knees for the book down my shirt, when we were all...together. When it was good.

Day 29 – Your favorite foods/drinks {21st}
My mum's cooking, for sure. I am very partial to Italian though I'll try anything once and Horchata is one of my favorite drinks next to a good glass of lemonade.

Day 30 – Your aspirations {Today}
To be someone. Simple as that. Sure, technically, I'm "someone" now but I want to be that Illustrator in the magazines that everyone just drools over because of how fucking amazing they are. I draw for me, and someday I'll draw for a company, but I want it all to be envied. I guess my goal in life is to be envied, artistically.

{By the way: I'm home.}

Day 25: Your sleeping habits
are the worst.

I live in the US but I run on Europe's time, asleep in the afternoons and up all night (and morning because of class) - or if you'd like something 'simpler,' I'm a vampire! An owl.
I don't mind it terribly. It's just lonely on the internet when you're the only one on.

Day 24: Something that makes you cry
Anything, when I'm on my period.
For example: I was watching The Princess and The Frog on my roommate's Netflix account and afterwards, I cried. For no reason at all. It just made me burst into tears and I'm not even bleeding out the cooch yet (pre-menstraul mood swings).
I cry out of excitement - like whenever I saw the Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part I trailer. I'd tear up and shake in my chair with so much excitement, it was ridiculous.
The obvious makes me cry. Pain (sometimes), when I disappoint someone, etc.